Welcome to His Way Out Ministries

July 2008 Highlights

Testimony By Paul Mitchell

Hi, I'm Paul. I am a Christ follower who struggles with homosexuality. I had allowed myself to be used by men because I desperately needed their affirmation, but I hated myself and what I was doing. I believed that God had made me gay just so he could cruelly send me to hell. Instead, He showed me that he had something better for my life. God says in His word, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." And He did!

I grew up on a chicken farm with my parents and four older brothers. My family hardly ever expressed emotions (except for the occasional outburst of anger) nor did we talk about our feelings. "I love you" (or even "I like you") were not words ever used in our household. Otherwise, I was well taken care of.

When I began going to school, I immediately did not "fit in" - especially in the area of sports or any kind of physical contact that boys enjoy. Instead, I preferred reading and studying. So, in school, I was rejected by the other boys and subjected to a lot of name calling, such as "sissy" and "fag". I learned to protect myself by avoiding them or using my "sharp" tongue to put the other boys down. As you can imagine, this just made things worse. In the end, rejection was my defense - the boys rejected me so I rejected them.

A highlight in my life came when a new minister moved into the area, and his son invited me to a children's retreat. It was there that I first learned about Jesus and God's love for me. A few days later, while doing my farm chores, I was thinking a lot about what I had heard at the retreat. And it was there, in the middle of one our barns with chickens running around me, that I accepted Christ as my Savior. From that time on I have always had a feeling that "something" was in me. That "something" throughout my life has given me a sense of right and wrong. I started going to church for a few years but then fell away as I entered my teen years.

My teenage years were very tough. I continued to be unpopular. I hated the time in between classes because besides being called names, I would get pushed and shoved in the hall and I could never use the restroom for fear of being picked on. While I couldn't understand it, even as I rejected the other boys I had a physical attraction to them. I tried to deny having these feelings.

My relationship with my father had become strained as I got older. He spent less time with me and seemed to have no interest in me. At one point he got angry with me for having my hair curled, and he told me I was no longer his son. From that time on, I really wasn't his son anymore. All I can think was that he thought I was gay and I was an embarrassment to him. Several times I tried to get his advice on something but he would just walk away. He rejected me, so I rejected him. A theme was developing in my life. In the future I would start to reject men before they even knew me because I was sure they would reject me as not being man enough or they would be disgusted if they were to find out about my same sex attractions.

In college, I met Ginny, a very devoted Christian woman, who would later become my wife. We became very close friends and as my feelings for her grew, I wanted her to like me too. So I started to go to church with her and do all the things a Christian should do. I also figured this would help "cure" my problem of attraction to men. Soon after graduation we were married.

Our marriage was great - we both had good jobs, a nice house, and we traveled around the world for vacations. It was also good spiritually as we found a church that really focused on developing a real and meaningful relationship with God. About ten years into it, our marriage started having problems. Ginny was focused on her health problems and was having a lot of fear because the doctors weren't able to help her. I was picking up more and more of the family (and emotional) workload and resented it and her. Neither of us was communicating with each other.

I think the devil took advantage of this time as my thoughts and feelings of same sex attraction increased to the point where I could no longer ignore or deny them - however, I still did not act on them. Instead I went to several of my pastors to explain what was going on. Each one seemed uncomfortable but they would listen to me, say a prayer and usher me out the door. Nothing more was said about it, no follow-up, no counseling, no prayer, no nothing - I was ashamed and embarrassed. I became very angry with the church and stopped attending. I concluded that God must not care about me either.

We moved to a new city. At my new job, I began working with a man who was a lot of fun to be around. He had a quick wit, was smart and everyone enjoyed working with him. We worked closely together and became friends, even socializing after work. One day he told me about a sexual experience he had with a man which shocked me since he had a wife and two kids. He was a popular person and I wanted to be liked by him. I think he was testing me and I apparently passed the test as this began my active involvement in a homosexual relationship that would last for about six months.

I thought being gay was the fix for all my hurts in life and that I could now be happy. I decided to divorce Ginny and live my life as a gay man. Almost immediately upon moving out, I returned to going to church - something I hadn't done for years. In this case it was a gay and lesbian church. There, I could be a Christian and gay too! No more guilt feelings! At this church I found a lot of other men that I could be comfortable with, be friends with and share spiritual things with too.

That feeling of finally finding the answer didn't last long. Something in me resisted what this church was teaching and how I was living. I became very depressed as I could not reconcile God's views on sexuality and what I was experiencing in this area. Maybe God was mean and created me gay just so he could send me to hell. This downhill slide continued until I tried to commit suicide. This resulted in several hospital stays and taking lots of psychiatric medications.

After a few more years of this and several failed gay relationships, I finally had had enough and surrendered to God. I told Him that I knew I had done wrong and His ways were the right ways and I wanted to come back to Him. He accepted me!!

Calling out to God was the easy part - walking out my recovery was much more difficult. God provided help through Pastor Lee of His Way Out Ministries and through my new church home, Olive Knolls Church.

At His Way Out Ministries I began to understand the reasons for my same sex attractions and how legitimate needs for affirmation from men can become sexualized and lead me astray. I also learned what it means to have our hope in God. That doesn't necessarily mean that our life will be easier or that all of our problems are fixed the way we want them to be, but it does mean that we can have a sense of peace in the midst of it all.

So what has recovery looked like for me over the last three and a half years? It has meant talking to others in support groups about the things I've done, my thoughts and my feelings. I had gotten so good at "burying" these things, that I almost couldn't unbury them. But God knew them and a Proverb states "The Lord gave us mind and conscience, we cannot hide from ourselves." Many of these were things that were very shameful and embarrassing to me and at first it was very difficult to share them. However, in revealing myself, I learned two things. First, I usually make too big a deal of things that really aren't that significant, and second, my fears are often unfounded - especially my fears of men.

This journey has helped me to repair one of the most significant relationships in my life, with Ginny, my former wife. I had cheated on her, discounted her physical problems and looked for an opportunity to walk out on her when things got tough. Recovery has meant making amends for these harmful and hurtful things I had done. We had to talk about the hidden things and bring them out in the light - no matter how embarrassing or shameful. This was necessary for my recovery and for hers as well. The blessing is that we are now very good friends, which is how we started our marriage. And who knows, maybe God isn't finished yet.

Not everything has been great. I still sometimes have same sex thoughts and feelings that I don't want and I still occasionally struggle with depression which causes me to back away from everyone and all activities.

The last three and a half years have had its ups and downs but I am learning how to praise God for the "ups" and how to pray to Him for strength during the "downs." I'll end with this a verse that I believe sums up what God does for us during our recovery, "...he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair."

Paul Mitchell

From All of Us at His Way Out Ministries...

To each of you who continually bless us by your encouragement, ministry participation, monthly financial support, offerings, and prayers...we remain truly grateful!

Prayerfully Yours,

Pastor Phillip Lee

Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

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Growing Pains!

His Way Out Ministries is blessed to be a part of God's answer for adult men and women and teenagers struggling with same-gender attraction, and to families looking for hope and encouragement as they walk an emotional path of healing and understanding. Your trust in our counsel and care means a great deal to all of us.

May we ask for your kind consideration of a need? As HWOM continues to expand its ministry offerings to meet the needs of a growing list of people seeking counsel and hope, the administrative needs of HWOM continue to grow with ever-increasing requests for ministry. HWOM is underwritten by the gifts of love and monthly support of individuals and partner churches. If HWOM is not written into your personal or church missionary budget - would you kindly consider doing so from this point forward? Only eternity will show the effect of such commitment on all our parts.

Thank you for your time in reading this and may the Lord continue to richly bless you in your efforts to advance the Kingdom of God in this generation.

You can send a offering to:
His Way Out Ministries, 10700 Brimhall Road, Bakersfield, CA 93312
(Checks should be made payable to His Way Out Ministries)

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Exodus International Freedom Conference
July 15 - 20, 2008 - Asheville, North Carolina

Each day of the conference includes talks given by the world's leading experts on homosexuality and real life testimonies of freedom. The Freedom Conference offers encouragement, answers and support to: Men and Women who personally struggle with same-sex attractions, Parents, other Family Members and Friends impacted by homosexuality, Married Couples and Spouses, and Students (18-25). Training for pastors, youth workers, ministry leaders and counselors is also offered with daily workshops, panel discussions and special interest groups covering a variety of topics each day related to homosexuality. For more information on the Freedom Conference, please visit www.exodusfreedom.org

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Dear His Way Out Ministries...

I want to thank you so much for your participation in our Christian Counseling Ethics Symposium. So many people came up and said what a blessing and a help it was for them - Summit Bible College

Thank you for the excellent article in your May newsletter. We will be sharing it with others. It is applicable for many different life situations - Tom & Catherine

Thank you for everything you've done for me and my family. Words can't express my gratitude for what you do - Greg

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Pastor Phillip Lee LIVE at UBC

On Sunday, October 10, 2007, Pastor Phillip Lee spoke to the congregation of University Baptist Church on the subject What Does the Bible Say About Homosexuality?

You can Listen LIVE to the 6.2 MB, 36min, MP3 at this link.

Give it a few moments to begin downloading and it will play. Windows 95/98 users make sure your Windows Media Player (or other MP3 software) is up to date. Right-click and choose "Save Target As..." to save it on your computer. (If Internet Explorer attempts to save as .mpga you can change it to an .mp3 file type.) You can then play it later or copy it to any MP3 portable player.

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Guyana, South America Bound in August!

Recently, HWOM received the following communication from Operation Restoration, the local Guyanese ministry we partner with in reaching those struggling with same-gender attraction in Guyana.

Dear Pastor Phil, regular referrals are coming in from churches referencing high level persons needing help with same-sex attractions. So far, we have met with youth pastors and project workers. Also, the orphanages and children's homes via the Ministry of Human Services has sought our help in addressing the issue among boys in these homes. The need is great! Please remember us in your prayers.

On August 26th, HWOM will once again depart for Guyana. During our ten-day trip, we will conduct a two-day conference in Georgetown, the capital of Guyana, titled Homosexuality and the Reality of Change, appear as guests on radio and television talk shows, and conduct two days of training on how to facilitate support groups for those struggling with same-gender attraction. Also, we will be equipping and educating the Church on how to respond to men, women and families impacted by homosexuality. Please remember this very important journey to Guyana in your prayers.

Check out some photos from previous trips to Guyana at:



Bless you for your prayers!

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Coming Up This Month!

July 5th - L.I.F.E. - If you have chosen to leave homosexuality, or you are a spouse, family member or friend of someone struggling with homosexuality, or you desire to learn about the complexities of homosexuality, this gathering is for you! L.I.F.E. meets faithfully on first Saturday of each month from 9am to11am.

July 12th & 26th - TIME OUT - A discipleship support group for men struggling with same-gender attraction meets from 9am to 10:30am.

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How You Can Help His Way Out Ministries

  • Ask your pastor to check out this website.

  • Encourage your pastor to consider hosting a seminar or inviting His Way Out Ministries to speak at your church.

  • Ask your church to consider adding His Way Out Ministries to its missions budget.

  • Add His Way Out Ministries to your prayer list.

  • Tell your friends about His Way Out Ministries and encourage them to visit this web site.

  • Give to His Way Out Ministries, either a special one-time gift or on a monthly basis.

  • Show our teaching DVD or Video: "Homosexuality and the Reality of Change" to your Sunday School class.

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Video: "Homosexuality and the Reality of Change"


Homosexuality and the Reality of Change presents a biblical perspective on the homosexual behavior with honesty and compassion. The 50 minute video contains information on: Can Homosexuals Really Change?, Will the Person Become Heterosexual?, How Long Does Change Take?, Exposing the Roots of Homosexuality, HIV and AIDS, Biblical and Scientific Evidence for Change, and much, much more.

This video is an excellent resource for teachers, churches, pastors, support group leaders, or anyone desiring a clear, comprehensive understanding of homosexuality.

The Good News of Jesus Christ and His love, acceptance, and forgiveness, His power to heal and restore has brought hope to many struggling with homosexuality. If you know someone struggling with same-gender attractions Homosexuality and the Reality of Change can help.

Videos are available on VHS or DVD at a cost of $20.00. To order your video...give us a call today.

We recently received, and watched, the video you sent us. It was excellent. We will be sharing it with other people at our church. One part that especially ministered to us was when Pastor Lee said from Philippians 1:6 that God is never going to give up His job of working in our life to conform us to the image of Christ. It helps makes sense of life's trials. Thank you for your ministry...Tom & Catherine

Preview "Homosexuality and the Reality of Change"
2min 38sec, 1.3MB, QT.mov

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IT'S ABOUT LIFE:
Food Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS


AIDS profoundly impacts one's life whether that person has been infected by it or they are a family member or a friend of someone who has. The social stigmas, fears and especially the "aloneness" associated with AIDS makes it oppressive to live with. "IT'S ABOUT LIFE" is a crucial part of His Way Out Ministries. Because His Way Out Ministries is committed to compassionately communicating God's heart through a caring Christian community, His Way Out Ministries will be a receiving house for non-perishable food items. This will assist those with AIDS to maintain a balanced diet and good nutrition. Two major considerations in food donations for folks with AIDS are speed and ease of preparation. An appetite sometimes doesn't last long and the item has to be readily accessible and speedily prepared for the patient to be able to enjoy it.

We invite churches, companies, ministries, corporations, individuals, and the entire City of Bakersfield to join with us in caring. Offer your support by donating the below listed items.

Canned tuna Canned soups
Canned ravioli Canned pasta products, e.g.Spaghettio's
Hamburger Helper Peanut butter
Hamburger Helper Peanut butter
Jams and jellies Breakfast cereals
Breakfast bars Fruit cocktail
Canned peaches Top Ramen
Cup o' Noodle soups Canned potatoes
Canned corn Macaroni and cheese mixes
Rice 'o Roni type mixes Chili beans
Tomato paste, Tomato sauce Spaghetti sauce
Potted meats Canned stews
Instant potato mixes, e.g., scalloped Instant oatmeal variety packs
Kleenex Paper towels
Toilet paper Popsicles (not frozen)
Instant breakfast drinks Spaghetti

His Way Out Ministries is located at Brimhall Road Assembly of God. Items will be distributed in cooperation with other outreaches in our community. This is a continuous, on-going ministry. For further information, please call 661-589-4262. God Bless You for your giving.

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His Way Out Ministries Services

  • Consultations
  • Family Support Group
  • Individual Prayer Ministry
  • "Time Out" Discipleship Series
  • Ministry Support Network
  • Speakers available to address Christian groups
  • "Moving On" Advanced/Closed Support Groups
  • "It's About Life" Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS

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Send a Donation to His Way Out

In your own church, and throughout this entire world, people are in need of God's clarity about their relationships and their sexuality. Participating in the work of H.W.O.M. is one way to acknowledge Christ's healing power for the sexually broken.

Through your financial support or volunteer involvement, you can add your voice to those who are speaking the truth of God with integrity.

His Way Out Ministries is a nonprofit, tax exempt Christian ministry associated with Exodus International.

You can donate using PayPal...

Or send a contribution to:
His Way Out Ministries, 10700 Brimhall Road, Bakersfield, CA 93312
(Checks should be made payable to His Way Out Ministries)

Copyright © His Way Out Ministries

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