A Bend in the Road: A Testimony

Recently, we celebrated Valentine's Day. On this day, we typically recognize the sweetheart in our life. For me, I would be hard put to designate one person as special in my life. For you see, God is allowing me to have many precious people on my pathway. However, at one time, there was one person who stood out as my sweetheart.

His name is Paul and we met in college years ago. Through a mutual friend we were introduced. From that point on, our paths would cross enough for us to start a friendship. After two years, he asked me out. It didn't take long for us to decide that we wanted to be married, and that we did the day after graduation.

We were both born and raised in Pennsylvania. He always teased that he was from the Holy Land as he is from Damascus, and not too far from there is Bethlehem. I, on the other hand, grew up in a suburb of Philadelphia. Well, farm boy and city girl started a new life as a couple in Texas.

For quite a few years we resided in Houston. He worked for a large oil company, and I was employed as a teacher. We were very involved in church and enjoyed godly teaching and fellowship with many other Christians. Our jobs allowed us to have a beautiful home. We took lavish vacations to exotic places around the world. It was a good life.

Somewhere around the 10-year marker everything changed as I hit a bend in the road. I had a mystery sickness that was slowly altering my life. I felt helpless. Doctors had no understanding. Only as time has gone by and with further symptoms would I have any idea of what was happening in my body. As I said, I hit a bend in the road. It wasn't a "we" thing. I felt alone. In looking back, I can see there was something distant and disconnected with how my husband responded to the situation. While being in my own misery, little did I know what was troubling his heart. It wouldn't be for more years, that I would understand that he, too, was in need of healing.

Meanwhile, we continued to do what we had always done. I was slowly having to make changes due to the impact of the illness. With my husband, I noticed that he was starting to pull away from the church. When questioned, he would give a vague response. I knew he had a relationship with God, and I kept praying and believing whatever it was, that it would work out.

A few more years passed, and still no improvement in my husband's walk with the Lord. At the same time, my illness was taking a greater toll on me with still no answers and no help. In my desperation to understand my husband's distance with me and waywardness with God, I blamed myself for what was happening. I knew this was not the whole truth, but I was lost for any other explanation.

Six years ago, he took a transfer to Bakersfield, CA. I was hurt and distraught that my spouse would disregard my concerns and volunteer for this move. I didn't want to leave my church family, job and everything elseŠespecially in this time of need. In faith, I moved leaving all my support and I entered a very dark place in my life. Too ill to work, no friends, no church, and a husband who seemed to disdain me, I now resided in Bakersfield. While nothing made sense, and my future looked bleak, God gave me the strength to go on. In time, I was back on my feet and into the classroom.

Our fourth year here, I started to notice that my physically, healthy husband was starting to have some struggles as he was unable to sleep at night. His medical exam revealed no problems, so he went on for counseling. During this time, I noticed he was losing weight. It became scary to watch him. In wanting to help him, God spoke and told me to say nothing that He would take care of this. With those words, came the grace to let go and to know this was out of my hands.

One day prior to that fateful Sunday that Paul would come of "the closet," I found myself on an airplane that was going to be late for a connecting flight. As the plane was descending, God, in a gentle voice spoke and asked me, "Will you follow me?" At that moment, the presence of God was the strongest I had ever felt in my life. My spirit recognized that I was being asked to do something above and beyond anything I had experienced up to this point in my life. Being sensitive to the seriousness of the question asked of me, I hesitated for a moment before responding. However, it didn't take along before I realized that there was no other way. So, I answered "Yes."

I fully expected the next couple of flights to be crazy with problems. However, I went forth knowing God was with me. Much to my surprise, the flights came off without a hitch and was back in Bakersfield (in no time it seemed.) I pondered what God had asked of me, but being happy to be back home, I quickly dismissed the thoughts.

While I didn't want to face that there were serious problems in the marriage, I still was clueless about what was happening in Paul's life. It came as quite a shock on Sunday, the next day, in August two years ago, when in the familiar surroundings of our home, that my husband told me he was gay and that our marriage was over. While I was devastated and all that goes with that, I choose to recall something spiritual that happened. As I sat in a chair, in a state of shock, and with God's spirit helping me to see past my flesh, something very light and freeing was going on inside of me. It is only looking back that I can express what happened very deep within me. It was as if my soul sighed in relief for the darkness was finally exposed.

In the days, weeks, and months that followed, and through bible study, church, and godly friends, I sensed God's loving presence in a variety of ways. Because the trials in my life were beyond the scope of my resources, I was challenged to seek God with a greater intensity. With my whole life being turned upside down that Sunday, I went downtown the next day for jury duty. I cannot explain the pain I felt as I was contained in the lobby room waiting to see if I would be picked for a panel.

At lunch, with the room cleared out, I went to the privacy of the courtyard. It was there that as I sat alone that God spoke again. He asked me if I remembered what He had spoken to me on Saturday. And then He said, "this is what I was referring to." Again, I was overwhelmed with the presence of God. I was able to respond to God with something of a positivity in my heart and to just delight that He was with me and knew my situation and had spoken personally to me. That was enough to encourage me for the afternoon, for I was not only picked for a panel, but for the juror box.

In this pain, I wanted nothing more than to be understood and comforted. Here I was contained in this courtroom. Could anything else happen to me at this point? Yes, and it did. I found out that I lost my job. This was sudden and out of the clear blue. Let me count my blessingsŠI was sick, my husband is gay and leaving me, I'm stuck in this courtroom and now I have found out that I don't have a job.

Somehow with God, I fulfilled my duty being a juror that week. To say the least, it was a struggle to keep my mind focused. During the breaks, I would run for a phone in search of a job. Coming home at nights to my husband feeling completely helpless to change the situation. I didn't know who to go to or where to turn. Sadly, to say, I didn't think the church would understand. Fortunately, being I had lived here a few years, I had established friends at church and where I lived.

Up to this point in my life, I had barely spoken the word "homosexuality." Much less knowing what to do for a loved one involved in this. I felt shame and embarrassment about this touching my life and yet I loved my husband and wanted people to be kind and sensitive towards him. I had shared my pain and heartache with a few close friends but sensed a need for more support.

While searching the Internet for help, I was startled to find a ministry here in Bakersfield that dealt with the homosexual issue. I was hesitant at first, but I have never regretted making contact with His Way Out Ministries. God made another tremendous provision to aid and assist me on my pathway. I immediately started attending a family support group offered by this ministry. What a relief and comfort to be with other Christians dealing with the same issue and to have a pastor who had compassion and understood what I was dealing with. At first, the information helped me to understand and deal more with what was happening to Paul. In the midst of learning, I realized the basic principles being presented transcended the homosexual issue and ministered to the brokenness and shortcomings in my own life. All of this was happening in the context of a safe and comfortable environment.

As my husband was going more and more into the gay lifestyle, I was being fed spiritual truths that God used to continually soften my heart and to allow me to be open to my husband throughout the divorce process. He hit some very hard times and I'm glad to have been able to have helped and supported him. I am not sure that would have happened without the love, support and knowledge I was receiving through His Way Out Ministries.

I continue to care have concern for Paul. It is my hope and prayer that he will come out of this darkness. If and when he does, I want him to have the benefit of His Way Out Ministries. My heart is on the mend and I am thankful for this. I still have difficulty understanding and accepting what Paul is doing. I see him at times and we remain on friendly terms. He looks and sounds the same as the person I knew as my husband. This remains a situation in my life that defies a satisfactory explanation. It is in times like this that I must choose to trust God and believe He does work all things together for good. Physically, I still struggle with an illness and its uncertainties. Spiritually, in comparison, I am healthier now than I have ever been. While I would not have asked for this to happen in my life, I am thankful for all that God has shown and taught me through this.

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L.I.F.E. - Living In Fellowship...Even In Tough Times

"Who is the real me?" The answer to that question clearly haunts an abundance of Christians...and has in some lives for many years. Heterosexual sexual addictions and homosexuality are not principally a "sexual" problem, but rather an identity problem and at the core a "spiritual" problem. So, where can we learn our true identity?

Over 400 years ago, one of the Church's greatest teachers...John Calvin wrote: "It is certain that man never achieves a clear knowledge of himself unless he has first looked upon God's face, and then descends from contemplating Him to scrutinize himself." Far too often, Christians have accepted a lie about themselves thus trapping them in a false identity. Lies such, as...If you really knew me you wouldn't love me. Or...I am basically a bad, worthless person. Often, the lies I have just shared with you come together to shape our perceptions of who we are, where we're going and even what we can expect from life. So...what do we do?

Join us on Saturday, March 1st for L.I.F.E. and here more about...Rejecting the Lies! Our time together begins at 9:00AM. The coffee and doughnuts will be waiting.

Meeting
First Saturday of Each Month
9:00AM to 11:00AM

Location
His Way Out Ministries
10700 Brimhall Road
Bakersfield, CA 93312
661-589-4262 (Phone)
661-589-6210 (Fax)
L.I.F.E. (Formerly our Family Support Group)

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It's That Time Again!

Once again, HWOM has received an invitation to...build bridges, develop people, train Christians, send them to accomplish their ministry in the world, and exalt God's Name in the process...in the country of Guyana, South America. During the year 2002, HWOM made two trips to Guyana and witnessed God open incredible doors of opportunity to teach, preach and equip the saints for more effective ministry to the sexually broken. Wonderfully, the Lord provided two opportunities to spread His Word on television where the message of freedom from homosexuality was boldly presented. Already, we are planning and preparing for a return short-term mission trip to Guyana, scheduled for July 2003.

On Saturday, April 12th, His Way Out Ministries will be having a "Yard Sale!" This fund-raising event will help offset our expenses for traveling to Guyana.

It's not too early to start donating. Get a jump on your spring-cleaning and clean out those cupboards, closets and garages. Any and all donations will be greatly appreciated and you will enable God's work in the nation of Guyana, South America. Together, we can make a difference.

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His Way Out Ministries Services

Consultations

Family Support Group

Individual Prayer Ministry

"Time Out" Discipleship Series

Ministry Support Network

Speakers available to address Christian groups

"Moving On" Advanced/Closed Support Groups

"It's About Life" Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS

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IT'S ABOUT LIFE:
Food Ministry to Those Impacted by AIDS

AIDS profoundly impacts one's life whether that person has been infected by it or they are a family member or a friend of someone who has. The social stigmas, fears and especially the "aloneness" associated with AIDS makes it oppressive to live with. "IT'S ABOUT LIFE" is a crucial part of His Way Out Ministries. Because His Way Out Ministries is committed to compassionately communicating God's heart through a caring Christian community, His Way Out Ministries will be a receiving house for non-perishable food items. This will assist those with AIDS to maintain a balanced diet and good nutrition. Two major considerations in food donations for folks with AIDS are speed and ease of preparation. An appetite sometimes doesn't last long and the item has to be readily accessible and speedily prepared for the patient to be able to enjoy it.

We invite churches, companies, ministries, corporations, individuals, and the entire City of Bakersfield to join with us in caring. Offer your support by donating the below listed items.

Canned tuna	Canned soups
Canned ravioli	Canned pasta products, e.g.Spaghettio's
Hamburger Helper	Peanut butter
Hamburger Helper	Peanut butter
Jams and jellies	Breakfast cereals
Breakfast bars	Fruit cocktail
Canned peaches	Top Ramen
Cup o' Noodle soups	Canned potatoes
Canned corn	Macaroni and cheese mixes
Rice 'o Roni type mixes	Chili beans
Tomato paste, Tomato sauce	Spaghetti sauce
Potted meats	Canned stews
Instant potato mixes, e.g., scalloped	Instant oatmeal variety packs
Kleenex	Paper towels
Toilet paper	Popsicles (not frozen)
Instant breakfast drinks	Spaghetti

His Way Out Ministries is located at Brimhall Road Assembly of God. Items will be distributed in cooperation with other outreaches in our community. This is a continuous, on-going ministry. For further information, please call 661-589-4262. God Bless You for your giving.

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Send a Donation to His Way Out

In your own church, and throughout this entire world, people are in need of God's clarity about their relationships and their sexuality. Participating in the work of H.W.O.M. is one way to acknowledge Christ's healing power for the sexually broken.

Through your financial support or volunteer involvement, you can add your voice to those who are speaking the truth of God with integrity.

His Way Out Ministries is a nonprofit, tax exempt Christian ministry associated with Exodus International.

You can donate using PayPal...

Or send a contribution to:
His Way Out Ministries, 10700 Brimhall Road, Bakersfield, CA 93312
(Checks should be made payable to His Way Out Ministries)

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Welcome to His Way Out Ministries