LGBT+ concerns and the church have become muddied over the years. We seem afraid to lift up Jesus, His love and how it changes ANY of our lives. Laying down our will is difficult regardless of the sin pattern.

The same Christian ‘disciplines’ that have helped a multitude will also help those struggling with same-sex attraction. Maybe it’s time to return to the basics?

Saying Good-Bye to Gay

“If you would be My disciple, give up your right to yourself to Me.” (Matthew 16:24)

Today, it seems that some believe we in ex-gay ministry (for lack of better expression) are out-and-about trying to catch people to de-program them from homosexual behavior.

We need to be very clear when people are asking for help. It is imperative we all remember homosexuals are people like you and me – people God loves. How will they come to know God’s love if we, as His family, do not reach out to them? How can we, the Church, truly say we are fulfilling The Great Commission If are not offering and providing ministry to those with unwanted same-sex attraction?

If we truly believe God has the power to change anything, we cannot withhold offering truth, hope, and healing through Christ Jesus. Personally, I believe the extension of His love comes about by and through discipleship.

Christian discipleship is exactly the same for the homosexual struggler as it is for any man or woman combating the very long list of habits, addictions or various behaviors that impact lives.

Christian discipleship is the process by which men and women (disciples) grow in the Lord Jesus Christ and are equipped by the Holy Spirit (who resides in our hearts), to overcome the pressures, trials, and temptations that manifest in our lives and become more and more Christ-like.

But how does that play out in the practical sense?

1. Jesus must be put first in all matters of life. (Mark 8:34-38) The homosexual struggler must take a purposed and deliberate step to be set apart from the world. The individual’s focus must be on the Lord Jesus and pleasing Him in every area of life. In other words, put off self-centeredness and put on Christ-centeredness.

2. Follow all the teachings of Jesus. (John 8:31-32) Our obedience to the Father must be like that of a child which enables our being doers of the Word. Obedience is the supreme test of faith in God. (1 Samuel 28:18)

3. Expect change. (John 15:5-8) As a disciple (even those that combat same-gender attraction), our job is to abide in Christ, and “if” we do, the Holy Spirit will produce change, with change being the result of our obedience. As we become more obedient to the Lord and purposed to walk in all of His ways, our lives change. The biggest change will take place in our hearts resulting in new conduct (thoughts, words, and actions), all being representative of “change.” Ultimately, the change we all seek in our lives occurs from the inside out, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

4. In love for other believers (disciples). (John 13:34-35) Clearly, from 1 John 3:10 and 1 Corinthians 13:1-13, we see that love is not just an emotion; it is an action. We must be doing something and involved in the process of discipleship. The attitude for the homosexual struggler as well as those desiring to help or minister to those combating same-gender attraction must be fueled by the motivation of ‘love.’ When it comes to the complexities of life (including homosexuality and related issues), our ‘attitude’ should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

5. Making disciples of others. (Matthew 28:18-20) Too often, the homosexual struggler and those that have left homosexuality are reluctant to share their faith and tell nonbelievers about the wonderful changes Jesus has made in their lives. No matter what our maturity level in Christian life, we have something to offer. Frankly, some of the most enthusiastic representatives of the Christian life are new believers who have just discovered the awesome love of God. While they may not know what they’re saying goodbye to “gay” fully means, they have experienced the love of God and want to share their newfound lives and identify in Christ with others.

Admittedly, deliverance from homosexuality or any habit, addiction or compulsive behavior, for that matter, comes from a Person and not a method. That said, I am concerned we have gotten far away from the command and calling of our Lord to “disciple” – especially, to the homosexual struggler. Heaven knows Christians throughout the ages have had sinful habits to overcome and misbeliefs to replace with truth.

I submit that the same Christian ‘disciplines’ that have helped a multitude will also help those struggling with same-gender attraction.

The greatest crisis in our lives just may be the surrendering of our will.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

In order to effectively communicate God’s love to the same-sex attracted, one of the most important prerequisites for anyone – church or individual – is to be clear on your motivation and your message. Why do you want to reach gays? Do you truly love them as Christ loves them? And what exactly is your message?

If you think the primary Christian message for homosexuals is to “love the sinner, but hate the sin,” I encourage you to read on.

Here’s the setting…

You are sitting in church, listening to your pastor.

You are following along and taking notes on the very relevant topic of same-sex attraction because what is being shared is not only relevant to our culture but to you personally.

Sitting in church surrounded by fellow believers you are pretty comfortable and content.

But now, you have the task if not the monumental challenge of facing the son or daughter that sees nothing wrong with homosexual practice and is involved in a same-sex relationship.

You are now the one that gets to flesh out the truth you now know. How is that done? What do you do? What don’t you do?

What does representing Christ Jesus in this matter look like?

First and foremost, let’s put even this crisis in its proper context.

Embrace the promise of Romans 8:28 that God makes everything – even calamities – work for our good.

• My first encouragement is learn as much as you can about the causes of homosexuality. Simply knowing it is wrong is not even close to being enough.

• Don’t run the matter into the ground every time you see your son or daughter. Often, there can be a good reason(s) for not dealing with a problem right now.

• Do everything you can to keep the lines of communication open and maintain your relationship. If you feel you have been batting your head against the wall seeking resolution of ‘the problem,’ take a rest. It may not be God’s time to deal with the issue.

• Make sure your son or daughter is aware of your belief and position regarding homosexual practice. Heaven knows, God can deal with and use our mistakes, but He cannot deal with our inaction. Be clear and precise.

• Do not argue about homosexuality. The very moment the conversation erupts into anger – drop it! Badgering will only produce pushing the individual the wrong direction. Many problems and issues in life are often solved very indirectly; not when we are consciously dealing with them, but when we are going about our normal lives.

• It is imperative to distinguish between “acceptance and approval.” It is important to separate, both in our own minds and to our loved ones, their individual worth from the acts of homosexuality they may be committing.

• Stay completely away from Christian cliches such as: “God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve” and “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” Christian cliches only reinforce the belief of many with same-sex attraction that the Christian community is unwilling to truly educate themselves on the complexities of same-sex attraction.

• Do not hesitate to admit when and where the Church has been wrong with regard to men and women with same-sex attraction. We, the Church, have made mistakes and in some cases owe the gay community an apology.

• Refrain from attacking the character of homosexuals when discussing homosexuality. Keep to the real issue: “The real issue is whether or not homosexual practice is, in and of itself, moral.”

• Do not be discouraged if your conversations do not produce instant fruit. What we will answer to God for is speaking truth lovingly and plainly – not for how our loved one responds.

• Be relentless in looking for every opportunity to share it is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the indwelling presence of His Spirit which is the foundation needed to overcome same-sex attraction.

• Release control. Let God decide how to bring freedom. God is the only One who can bring about change in the homosexual.

• Let the son, daughter and everyone know that God has a reputation of transforming trapped people with damaged sexualities. “And such were some of you,” applies to all Christians who had formerly participated in homosexuality. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

• And remember, those entangled in sin, of course, will have weak faith, so be merciful to those who doubt. (Jude 22)

Somewhere I read, “Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”

When Jesus Christ is “there,” life has infinite possibilities.

In reaching to and or ministering to those whose lifestyle we do not fully understand, we must always remember to offer them the same grace, understanding, and love that Christ offered us.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

Many years ago, Rev. Franklin Graham rallied the Church to Washington DC believing the Church should lead the way in ministering and meeting the needs of those impacted by HIV/AIDS. The Prescription for Hope Conference in Washington DC was a major turning point in my life.

I so appreciate Rev. Graham’s articulating the God-given mandate for the Church “to be” God’s visible expression of Himself and return to setting societal standards.

In 2016, in a very pointed and direct article, the Rev. Graham stated, “I refuse to be silent and watch the future of our children and grandchildren be offered up on pagan altars of personal pleasure and immorality.”

Charisma News Franklin Graham: Young Pastors Are Caught Up in Pop Culture

Once again, I appreciate and applaud Rev. Graham’s frankness and courage.

Today, for some people, morality has become purely a matter of personal taste. Regarding sexual expression, opinions vary on how best to attain fulfillment, and in the thinking of many people, these differences are nothing more than opinions. From this perspective, regardless of one’s personal view or opinion on sexual expression, sex outside of marriage between one man and one woman or remaining celibate as a single man or woman, has been reduced to a matter of personal preference or expression. It escapes many people today that it is both illogical and inconsistent to believe that morality is purely subjective.

What we really should be asking ourselves is, are the qualities or consequences of sex outside of marriage beneficial or detrimental to individuals and to society? The question is neither political nor religious. Even if Democrats, Republicans, or The Church were silent on the subject, we would still need to ask whether sex outside of marriage is right or wrong. Ultimately, when the moral question is in focus, a number of other matters become irrelevant.

Whether or not sexual expression outside of marriage is good, and therefore, whether it ought to be socially accepted, has nothing to do with its legality or its political correctness. What matters morally should be determined on the basis of our best understanding of what constitutes human well-being.

Therefore, the issue before us is whether or not people’s lives are better physically, psychologically, and socially, as a result of sex outside marriage between one man and one woman. Today, in American society, the quest to gain society’s stamp of approval on any type or form of sexual expression is relentless. What this amounts to is a society in which a majority of people will, in turn, lose the right to freedom of conscience, which in this case means the right to withhold affirmation and teaching and the right to believe that any form of sexual expression is not on par with the marriage bond between one man and one woman.

Romans 1:29-32 tells us the consequence of a society which ignores and suppresses His truth is a people filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, back-biters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.

Thirty-eight years ago, it was Christians, speaking both truth and grace into my life that made all the difference. I would not be here today without them. My particular sin and brokenness were not overlooked but rather talked about openly and in conjunction with many, many other sins. For the first time in my life, I began to be who God created me to be which, by the way, also included loving even the broken parts as He did and does.

Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

When the moral question has been offered and answered, then, and only then, can we truly deal with the moral decay that exists in American society and the world.

Truthless grace accomplishes nothing.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

There are those that have stripped the truth away from grace creating a perversion of God’s person and plan for humanity. As a result, we now live in an age of reckless sexuality with raging political, economic, and theological currents that threaten to submerge the Church today.

The Church fit to respond with grace and truth to today’s present culture will be one that is reformed by a return to basics.

Clearly, we were not, and in many respects still not, prepared for a fight we didn’t see coming.

Same-sex marriage, I-feel-and-therefore-I-am-entitled, men in girl’s bathrooms, the ongoing HIV/AIDS crisis, sexual addiction, pornography epidemic, gender confusion, sexual abuse, sexual identity confusion – why has it and why is it taking the larger Body of Christ to recognize, “Yes, we have a crisis!?”

The truth of the matter is the crisis has existed for decades with the downward spiral beginning with the acceptance of welcoming Jesus into our theology but not into our sexuality.

The crisis we have faced and the crisis we continue to face began there, so let’s stop blaming the liberals.

The winds of social change have and continue to blow aimlessly across America with a continued and relentless emphasis being placed upon “tolerance”, which is to be extended to everyone and anyone without limitation and to any and all kinds of sexual expression.

Pastor Phillip Lee

Is there nothing wrong with sex as long as it is consensual? And if there is something wrong, what is it? Does it really come down to a matter of personal taste, of private sentiment, and personal choice? Have we become a nation, a world that gains a sense of purpose and meaning primarily from our sexual desires and behavior?

Today, with many rejecting the Authority of Scripture in matters of faith, practice, and God’s holy boundary lines with regard to sexual expression, clearly what we are witnessing is that without the spiritual, sexuality will always rule and reign supreme.

On every hand, you find those “who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness.” (Isaiah 5:20)

While there are those still attempting to make The Bible and Christianity socially and culturally relevant by rewriting and redefining biblical standards, I find tremendous comfort and strength in knowing God’s Word remains steadfast from generation to generation. Therefore, it remains crucial that each and every true faithful follower of Christ Jesus understand and embrace “thus saith the Lord” when it comes to God’s divine intent for human sexuality and other issues of our time.

Ultimately, God is not and will not be mocked, and there is no way anyone can legitimately rewrite or circumvent what God prohibits. Anyone choosing to practice any behavior (in any form or to any degree) that God has clearly defined as sin, cannot glorify God and will eventually downward spiral.

But the good news is “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8) no matter how sinister, dark, rebellious, or disobedient our actions or heart may be.

How well I remember my first reading of 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the Kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”

What hope and comfort this passage offers. Clearly, according to God, anyone can be an overcomer and cleansed by the blood of Jesus. The Lord Jesus has not changed, nor will He ever alter His Word to accommodate man’s sinful desires, choices, and behaviors.

The reality of an across-the-board crisis of sexual and relational brokenness in the Church and America clearly points to an increasing inability, as the Church and society, to make healthy and moral distinctions. Even those who place a high premium on tolerance are obligated to recognize that matters of various sexual lifestyles now threaten the very values and institutions on which a solid and vital Church and society is built and sustained.

Unfortunately, not every Christian or American is willing or responsive enough to such an obligation. What’s more, they do not want anyone to hold them responsible. Those who have the self-respect to recognize that a person is not reducible to his or her desires or behavior truly exhibit a concern for social justice, personal responsibility, and a true love for this nation which seeks nothing higher than the welfare of people.

When a person’s actions, no matter how sincere, endanger the well-being of the Church and society, criticism and confrontation is both appropriate and necessary. Irresponsible sexual behavior is one of the most destructive realities for the Church and society.

How is it that in choosing to dismiss and disregard a moral compass, we are shocked by the state of our culture? Even so, shocked at what has happened and continues to spread in the Church?

Speaking as someone that was trapped for many years in a behavior and lifestyle, thinking there was no way out, I completely understand how anyone might have difficulty in believing in and receiving God’s forgiveness and restoration.

“But Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) God remains rich in mercy and remains willing to deliver anyone. “He is forever our great Sin-bearer and the God who forgives.” (Psalm 99:8)

Jesus Christ is the alternative. He addresses the problem of “man limited to self” and provides the way through which we can find fulfillment in God and His people. By releasing us from the dictates of the past, Jesus frees us to live as new creatures.

God’s grace is sufficient because His strength is made perfect in our weakness. He provides a new identity – the center out of which a true sense of well-being can be achieved and enjoyed. As we draw close to Him we are enabled to reflect His image in our humanity more and more fully.

America is in need of huge and immediate change. I believe the Church should be out front by showing the way to bring it about. If things continue in this wonderful nation as they have, America and the Church will remain adrift without a moral compass.

There was a time when the Church set societal standards. We cannot and we must not apologize for moral and ethical “holy boundary lines” for living. All faithful followers of Christ Jesus are called to a higher standard.

It is absolutely essential we return to pinning our faith to, and subject “all” our thinking to and doing to, what we read in the Bible.

The 138th Psalm says, “I will praise your name for your loving kindness and your truth, for you have magnified your word about your name.”

Obviously, God thinks highly of His name – but He has magnified His Word even about His name – and, so should we all.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

The most morally attractive command Jesus ever uttered also happens to be the most difficult to obey:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37–40)

It’s a breathtaking statement. All that God requires of us, everything Scripture contains regarding “life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3), summed up in two simple commands.

Start by loving enemies well enough to tell the truth.

I believe an appropriate question for the Church today regarding homosexuality and related issues is, “Am I being loyal to the notions of Jesus, or loyal to Him?”

Are we, His Church, remaining loyal to what He has clearly stated in His Word regarding homosexuality, or are we trying to find compromises with conceptions that never came from Him?

Is it not abundantly clear that we, God’s people, are standing front and center of one of the greatest crossroads the Church has ever faced?

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “A man dies when he refuses to stand up for what is right; a man dies when he refuses to stand up for justice; a man dies when he refuses to take a stand for that which is true.”

We are treading on terribly treacherous turf.

Ultimately, I am satisfied God’s truth, His absolute truth, will always “be” whether you and I or anyone else believes it or likes it.

1 Corinthians 13:6 says, “Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rather rejoices with truth.”

Personally, I cannot come to any other conclusion other than “love, pure, true, undefiled love, supports absolute truth.”

We must challenge our culture with God’s absolute truth because feelings, personal opinions, theories, notions, and ideas have consequences.

Paul wrote in Romans 13:9 and Galatians 5:14, and what James wrote in James 2:8, make it clear that the apostles believed Jesus expects us to seriously seek to love God with our whole being and love our neighbor as ourselves — now, in this age, even today.

God calls us to stand for truth and seek to rescue those imprisoned by deceit.

In light of – “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15) — I hear Jesus’s two great commandments and his expectation that we take them with the utmost seriousness.

Ultimately, for any man or woman aspiring to true Biblical discipleship, it really doesn’t get more radical than Christlike love.

Again, there is no doubt, no question God has called us to stand for truth and seek to rescue those imprisoned by deceit.

This is by no means an optional extra for dedicated faithful followers of Christ Jesus.

Yes, we can love the LGBT community as God loves them because Christ Jesus would never call us to a standard that He would not also enable us to meet.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

One of my absolute all-time favorite movies, directed by Robert Redford, is “A River Runs Through It”.

It is a story about a Presbyterian minister in Montana with two sons. One son most definitely takes a more conventional approach to life while the other is a bit of a rascal. The two men take undeniably different paths in life but remain held together by the bond of family unity and respect.

Sadly, at the end of the story, the renegade son is shot in a gambling dispute and dies. At the end of the film, the father is preaching. His sermon comes from Scripture and focuses on the often limitations of love. He says, “Often times those we love are the most unwilling or unable to accept our love. We reach out, but what we offer is not accepted. And so we find that the help we offer is unwanted – but we can love them all the same. We can love completely, even without complete understanding.”

Caught in the middle of the spiritual vacuum of “say nothing, do nothing” with regard to homosexuality and related issues, is the repentant homosexual that has not only abandoned the sexual sin of homosexual practice but a whole network of support and an identity as well. Surrendering unconditionally to the Lordship of Christ, they enter Church (many for the first time in their lives) with nothing. God, having brought them to a place of repentance, feel very frightened, vulnerable, and very, very alone.

I freely admit that I remain perplexed and deeply troubled by those in the Church that are terrified, if not paralyzed by the gay rights movement, and want to see any further legitimization of homosexuality stopped dead in its tracks but remain hesitant and unwilling to offer ministry to those who desire to come out of the behavior. This makes absolutely no sense.

Today, more than ever, we are in need of churches that will not sidestep truth or grace but offer crystal clear truth on a host of issues, including homosexuality, toward every person. Frankly, this is exactly what the Church was called to be from the beginning, and it is exactly what people are looking for today. It is a Church just like this that saved my life.

Over these past 38 years of my new life in Christ, I have shared numerous times the heart-wrenching fact that all those I once ran with are now gone. To this day, their names, faces, their laughs, haunt me. I clearly and vividly remember a phone call with my closest and dearest friend just before he passed away with AIDS. He remained in San Francisco long after God had transported me back to Bakersfield in 1985 when and where everything in my life changed.

The last thing he said to me over a phone conversation was, “Phillip, we don’t understand what has happened to you, but whatever it is, keep it up. You have found something.”

Indeed, I continue to be haunted by waters.

Many know and understand the importance and significance of reaching the unreached peoples of the world for Christ Jesus. What about the unreached homosexual population?

We, the Christian community, have a lot to learn about bringing Jesus to the gays and lesbians who hopefully will one day knock at the doors of our churches. How about, “If you struggle with homosexuality and feel trapped – there is hope! Come on into Church and investigate the roots and causes of your struggle with homosexuality. We will walk with you as you look past the surface, deep into your heart, and consider God’s will for your life.”

It is the clarity of the Holy Scriptures that should compel each and every faithful follower of Christ Jesus to be a light where there is darkness, rather than hiding our witness from those who need it.

Today, no one, with integrity, can continue to condemn a behavior or a group of people while doing so very, very little to see things improve.

Once again, I find myself wondering…”Do you hear the waters?”

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Instantaneously, life seems completely out of control. You are now headed in a direction you never, ever thought you would be going.

No matter where you were or how you heard, those two words meant two things – Your life changed, and someone you loved was gay.

How well I remember having to make the above declaration to my mother. While my confession occurred many, many years ago, I recall, vividly, having to pick my mother up from the kitchen floor. The ironic truth is that while I felt an immediate sense of relief that “the problem” was now out, my parents, friends, and family members were instantly projected into a state of fear, bewilderment, and consumed by a myriad of emotions.

Many experience a wide range of emotions upon learning a loved one is gay. Instantly many find they now belong to a club they had no intention of joining. Life has now taken yet another turn without permission.

Once the initial impact has subsided a bit, while Christian families know God is the answer, it still takes a long time for them to wrap their mind around how to engage God in what they perceive as needing to be done. Make no mistake, when someone we know confesses their same-sex attraction, many Christians struggle with how to maintain a Christ-like manner and position.

Every individual that awakens to their issue of same-sex attraction has already been through quite a heart-wrenching process and therefore it really doesn’t matter whether the individual has embraced the gay identity or is still combating and resisting temptation as well as seeking freedom from same-sex attraction. Very often parents will respond to the crisis by focusing on their own pain and a deep sense of loss forgetting the individual plagued by same-sex attraction has already experienced a huge amount of pain and loss.

Speaking from experience, having waded through years of healing, discipleship, study, and surrender (at times, daily), when homosexuality hit my family, as it has a multitude of others, it brought pain, indescribable pain, and misunderstanding along with it. Largely, because (way back then), no one knew anything about the behavior. Frankly, the only comment anyone offered was, “It’s wrong!” Today, just like then, “that’s not good enough and completely unacceptable.”

Not long ago, a Christian friend and mother I have known for many years wrote me and once again uttered the expression I have heard so many times during the 21 years of His Way Out Ministries, “I never thought I would be contacting you with a problem of homosexuality in my family.” The mother was understandably shattered. Initially, while the mother did respond and react appropriately standing upon the right Scriptures, the son responded with a very interesting and revealing remark. He said, “Mom, you keep telling me how hard this is for you to hear and deal with. Don’t you realize how hard it has been for me these many, many years, being raised in a Christian home and knowing that once this got out it would kill you? Ultimately, I had to make a decision that I knew nobody would be happy with. Please consider and realize that I have my own demons to fight.”

Frankly, there is a great deal of truth in the son’s comments. Whether we agree or not with the son’s ultimately decision or conclusion that he is gay and entitled to act upon his feelings and desires (which I certainly do not), we must admit that he was right in saying he had reached his conclusion after going through quite an intense struggle on his own. It is very important to remember within the evolvement of same-sex attraction that homosexual tendencies are discovered but the gay identity is ultimately embraced. And, there is a considerable difference between the two.

When any individual discloses their battle with same-sex attraction, their confession enables an intriguing and powerful opportunity to the family and really to anyone that becomes aware. Can I truly continue to love him for who he is and not for what he does?

As a Christ-follower, if we are becoming effective in not putting unrealistic expectations on ‘anyone,’ we are in line to accept them for who they are, not for what we wish they were. It is God’s part to give those that struggle with same-sex attraction abhorrence for the behavior – an abhorrence that will bring them to a place of complete surrender to the sovereignty of God in their lives and a desire to change.

While there are no specific verses in the Bible telling us under what circumstances, if any, we should adopt this or that policy toward a homosexual loved one, let’s consider a few specific communications that need to be offered with the hope and endeavor of keeping the lines of communication open. What the Bible says and why you disapprove of homosexuality every time you are with your child, friend, co-worker, etc., is not necessary state. However, do make sure the individual knows the following:

– You understand that he/she did not ask for these feelings.

– You appreciate their honesty and transparency in disclosing their issue with same-sex attraction.

– Your belief regarding homosexual practice as sin is not going to change.
– You want to protect your relationship through mutual respect and understanding.

– While you may never agree on the subject of homosexuality, you are committed to not letting that disagreement ruin your relationship.


As faithful followers of Christ Jesus, we must never affirm homosexual practice. But we can at least affirm the fact that the individual struggling with same-sex attraction has tried to be honest with us and has taken quite a risk in telling us, knowing it is not what we wanted to hear.

How well I remember disclosing my own battle with same-sex attraction and giving my family every reason to write me off. Frankly, there was no reason for my family to ever think I would repent and turn completely away from homosexuality. Thankfully, sometimes when God calls us to release a family member or friend through a prayer of relinquishment, that doesn’t mean He is releasing them as well.

God is saying: “Do all you can do, continue to love them and wait.” Indeed, dealing with the discovery that someone you love has same-sex attraction issues is a difficult stewardship, but the God who gave us this stewardship has also equipped us to handle it and maintain a Christ-like attitude.

“For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope”(Romans 15:4).

We can know God in the midst of it all. His presence becomes freely poured over the reality of our lives – our wounds. We experience His provision of grace in our lives.

We can then embrace Truth, which frees us to face Reality, where healing begins.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

It’s hard to do sometimes.

But it can start by loving enemies well enough to tell the truth.

You and I may possibly believe in truth, God’s absolute truth, but how can His truth be honored if we do not speak or act upon it?

No, No, No! to the false notion that being a spiritual person is kinder than being a biblical Christian.

As a Christian, I must be obedient and involved in the full purposes of God which will often cause many to be offended. However, being obedient to Jesus never brings dishonor to Him. The only thing that dishonors Him is not obeying Him.

I believe an appropriate question for the Church today regarding homosexuality and related issues is, “Am I being loyal to the notions of Jesus, or loyal to Him?” Are we, His Church, remaining loyal to what He has clearly stated in His Word regarding homosexuality, or are we trying to find compromises with conceptions that never came from Him?

There is no question that homosexuality has become perhaps the most controversial social issue of our time. While that is certainly important, true, and relevant, there is a far greater issue, crisis, and concern at hand.

Frankly, homosexuality should never have been, nor should it now be the primary concern of the Church. What has been unfolding for decades and what continues today, mostly unchallenged, is a rejection of God and a suppressing of His truth, His absolute truth, in favor of being wise in our own eyes.

As a result, herein lies the dilemma for many today, “Will I reject God’s absolute truth, the authority of His Word, or will I by the power of the Holy Spirit surrender and conform my life to the Word of God?”

In a time when far too many lives and our culture are being shaped by political correctness and moral cowardice, the time is long overdue for faithful followers of Christ Jesus to stand unwaveringly on God’s absolute truth.

Is it not abundantly clear that we, God’s people, are standing front and center of one of the greatest crossroads the Church has ever faced?

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “A man dies when he refuses to stand up for what is right; a man dies when he refuses to stand up for justice; a man dies when he refuses to take a stand for that which is true.”

We are treading on terribly treacherous turf.

Ultimately, I am satisfied God’s truth, His absolute truth, will always “be” whether you and I or anyone else believes it or likes it.

1 Corinthians 13:6 says, “Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rather rejoices with truth.”

Personally, I cannot come to any other conclusion other than “love, pure, true, undefiled love supports absolute truth.”

Christ-follower, we must challenge our culture with God’s absolute truth because feelings, personal opinions, theories, notions, and ideas have consequences.

Grace without truth is deception.

God calls us to stand for truth and seek to rescue those imprisoned by deceit.

In John 8:32, our Lord Jesus Christ promises to all who come to him: “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee

To preach the gospel requires speaking the truth about man’s sinful state and his need for salvation, the promise Jesus made as the only way to the Father, and the eternal consequences for rejecting His offer.

Sweet and nice versus the preaching, teaching, disciple-making and upholding of holiness and righteousness is killing us.

Is there nothing wrong with sex as long as it is consensual? And if there is something wrong, what is it? Does it really come down to a matter of personal taste, of private sentiment and personal choice? Have we become a nation, a world that gains a sense of purpose and meaning primarily from our sexual desires and behavior?

Many have chosen and are choosing to blatantly reject the Authority of Scripture in matters of faith, practice and God’s holy boundary lines with regard to sexual expression.

On every hand you find those, “…who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness…” (Isaiah 5:20).

With all sorts of opinions consuming the airwaves, media, and the internet, it appears everything is now up for question, debate, and compromise; sexual expression in particular.

America’s blind, amoral pursuit of pleasure at any price, and in any form, has indeed perpetuated the social and dark spiritual dynamics which have birthed and inflamed the various forms of sexual perversion.

While there are those still attempting to make The Bible and Christianity socially and culturally relevant by rewriting and redefining biblical standards, I find tremendous comfort and strength in knowing God’s Word remains steadfast from generation to generation. Therefore, it remains crucial that each and every true faithful follower of Christ Jesus understands and embraces “thus saith the Lord” when it comes to God’s divine intent for human sexuality and other issues of our time.

God has not been mocked nor will He will not be mocked. There is no way, it is impossible for anyone to legitimately rewrite or circumvent what God prohibits. Anyone choosing to practice any behavior that God has clearly defined as sin, cannot glorify God and will eventually downward spiral.

The Lord Jesus has not changed, nor will He ever alter His Word to accommodate man’s sinful desires, choices and behaviors.

The reality of an across-the-board crisis of sexual and relational brokenness in America clearly points to an increasing inability, as a society, to make healthy and moral distinctions. Even those who place a high premium on tolerance are obligated to recognize that matters of various sexual lifestyles now threaten the very values and institutions on which a solid and vital society is built and sustained.

Today, more than ever, responsible American citizens who truly care for the greater social good of America are obligated to impose, if not place under the microscope, a moral gaze on their sexual behavior. Unfortunately, not every American is willing or responsive enough to such an obligation.

What’s more, they do not want anyone to hold them responsible. Those who have the self-respect to recognize that a person is not reducible to his or her desires or behavior truly exhibit a concern for social justice, personal responsibility, and a true love for this nation which seeks nothing higher than the welfare of people – all people.

How is it in choosing to dismiss and disregard God’s moral compass, we are shocked by the state of our culture? Even so, shocked at what has happened and continues to spread in the Church?

Speaking as someone that was trapped for many years in a behavior and lifestyle, thinking there was no way out, I completely understand how anyone might have difficulty in believing in and receiving God’s forgiveness and restoration.

“But Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) God remains rich in mercy and remains willing to deliver anyone. “He is forever our great Sin-bearer and the God who forgives.” (Psalm 99:8)

America is in need of huge and immediate change. I believe the Church should be out front by showing the way to bring it about. If things continue in this wonderful nation as they have, America and the Church will remain adrift without a moral compass.

The Church must stop the downplaying, the silent-mode, the ignoring, the dismissal, the setting-aside of God’s moral and ethical “holy boundary lines” for living, with regard to sexual expression. All faithful followers of Christ Jesus are called to a higher standard which requires all faithful followers of Christ Jesus to be discipled in the full, total, and complete Word of God.

Silence, in particular, is undeniably an earmark of a dysfunctional family, because the real problems are never discussed and resolved. It’s imperative that the Body of Christ stand against current trends in today’s society that have and continue to distort human sexuality as God intended and created it.

The 138th Psalm says, “I will praise your name for your loving kindness and your truth, for you have magnified your word about your name.” Obviously, God thinks highly of His name – but He has magnified His Word even about His name – and, so should we all.

Pastor Phillip Lee
Executive Director
His Way Out Ministries

His Way Out has been faithfully ministering to men and women seeking a way out of sexually broken lifestyles since 1994. We could not do it without the support of Christians like you. Every dollar that you give to His Way Out Ministries helps to further this vital ministry. Won’t you take a minute to prayerfully consider a monthly donation to His Way Out? Please consider making a one-time donation or set up a secure monthly PayPal contribution on our donation page at https://www.hiswayout.com/donate/. Thank you, Pastor Phillip Lee